"We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories.”
- Jonathan Gottschall
The quote above from Jonathan Gottschall is so true. Our heritages, cultures and religions are grounded in storytelling featuring heroes, villains and ideas that shape our world. We spend millions of hours a year watching TV shows and movies to be entertained and moved by stories and narratives that capture our attentions and emotions. But stories also have an important place in our brains and with the emotions that we experience everyday.
Narratives help our brain interpret what is happening in our environment like if someone is angry or kind or if a situation should make us feel scared or anxious. These stories and narratives all combine to drive the emotions we are feeling each day. Given our current situation with the pandemic, there's a lot of negativity to our stories each day, and these can create downward spirals that may have short-term and long-term affects on our mental health.
The thing people underestimate is how we can use stories to positively confront and change the emotions we are encountering in our lives.
Let's take a quick step back and talk about managing our emotions. There are two types of approaches to managing stress/emotions and trying to raise our happiness levels. The first category is Emotion Regulation Strategies which are a bunch of different tactics to address and make the emotion you are feeling go away (emotion mitigation) or lessen its impact. Even something as simple as calling a friend or journaling to work through feelings are types of regulation strategies.
The second category is Mindfulness which is all about walking into and accepting the emotions you are feeling. This involves having the self-awareness to identify (or "name") the emotions you are experiencing and then practicing non-attachment to those feelings. Introspective practices like meditation and yoga help you scan your body for emotion and identify your emotional state. It really is a practice however. If you are facing a stressful situation and haven't been practicing mindfulness, most people can't just dive right into a body scan meditation and successfully identify your emotional state. Mindfulness is like the preventative medicine of mental health.
When considering Emotion Regulation vs. Mindfulness, it simplistically boils down to are you embracing the feelings and emotions or are you trying to make them go away. There are definitely times where each approach makes sense so it is good to know techniques for both strategies.
One of the Emotion Regulation Strategies that I like is called Cognitive Reappraisal. That is just a fancy term for telling a better story about what is happening in your life to change your feelings by re-framing. The whole point of this is to lessen the emotional impact of a situation by using our minds and words as a weapon. It works because our brains are wired for stories. Narratives are powerful and can help reset us to our emotional baseline pretty quickly.
The first time this concept was introduced to me was by a career coach named Hal. He helped me with a lot of different things like my personal brand and how to be a better leader of teams. But maybe the most helpful think he taught me was how to handle my anxiety about public speaking.
I would get really nervous before speaking even to small groups of people. More and more in my job, I had to get up in front of people either internally or externally and talk about our Benefits strategy and programs. The larger the groups, the more physically sick with anxiety I would get. My internal thoughts where "you're going to embarrass yourself or your boss...try not to blow it".
What Hal helped me understand is that those emotions were based on not letting myself or other people down. It meant that I cared about what I was doing, I wanted it to go well for the audience and I wanted to represent the company the best way I could. He taught me to re-frame those emotions and "up regulate" the negatives into a positive. So now before I speak when I feel that pit in my stomach, I know it means I'm anxious because I care and I'm going to do my best for the audience, the company and myself. Further, if those feelings are NOT there, that is actually a cause for concern. Do I not care? It is like my own Jedi mind trick :)
Cognitive Reappraisal is a great technique for managing the varying emotional feelings of this pandemic. What I've experienced, and probably you have too, over the last 6 weeks is a shocking array of different feelings. Basically any emotion you can name I've felt it. And this situation is so intense and so unique that is very easy for the negative feelings to persist and spiral more and more. They hit me really hard last week. Here is what I wrote down:
It is Monday and the start of our 5th week at home. I’m frustrated, feeling a little cramped in the house, I’ve got work to do that is stressful and I keep reading about virus stuff that is depressing.
My narrative at this point isn’t great and if I keep sulking, dwelling or generally just keep my brain in this state, my emotions aren’t likely to change. Now let’s apply Cognitive Reappraisal to the situation and change the story.
It is Monday so I have a fresh start to the week to make an impact at work, at home and in helping other people. I’m feeling a little cramped but it is because I’m home with my family including my Father-in-Law who has been so helpful the last couple of weeks to keep holding everything together. I’m really grateful for that. And the virus news is scary but I’m healthy and everyone in my family is healthy and safe which is a total blessing at this point.
The facts are all the same, but using your mind and your words, you can change the narrative. That re-framing really helped me get out of a funk. If you are in one too, spend time thinking about the situation and then use the power of storytelling to regulate your feelings. If you are struggling to get there on your own, talk to a friend to help you out just like Hal helped me find a different way to frame the situation.
One last thing. If you can't seem to find your way out of those negative, emotional thoughts, it might be time to get some help from a mental health professional. These amazing people can work with you directly to find ways to change the feelings you are experiencing. Check with your health plan for resources or the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) for more information.
Stay healthy and safe.
- Ben