Resilience is a buzzy word that you’ve probably been hearing for a couple of years now. It is all about your capacity to bounce back from adversity or difficult situations. The reason it is important is because everyone goes through adversity. It doesn’t matter how much money you have or how smart you are, we will all lose loved ones, fall short, come in second or be affected by things happening around us that drive stress, anxiety and uncertainty (Coronavirus anyone!?!). The great news is that resilience can be trained and built. We can actually get better at rebounding from a setback. And when we practice and develop this skill, we have ways to manage our emotions during times of stress and can avoid developing mental health issues that could set us back further. The science backs it up too.
I went to college with this guy named Brendan. He’s a great guy and we would hang out fairly frequently the 3 years we overlapped in Athens. Brendan was an outstanding soccer player in high school whose career got sidetracked when he tore the ACL in his right knee his senior year of high school. He had scholarship offers tabled and ended up going to UGA. He kept playing club soccer in college because he loved it so much and his sophomore year he tore his left ACL. I tore my ACL in college at the same time and it was one of the hardest things physically and emotionally I’ve been through. We were actually rehabbing together. I basically have done light running and golf since I suffered my tear. But Brendan kept playing and his senior year of college he tore his ACL for the third time. Three times! At that point you just don’t do the surgery right?
But when I talked to Brendan, he said of course he would do it and go harder than ever at the rehab. I was dumbfounded. Why does he keep doing this? His answer was so simple. “Because I love playing so much!” Of course it is more than playing a game. It is the camaraderie with the players, the community and the physical and spiritual wellness that it brought his life. Brendan was reflecting the four components of resilience that allow people to keep bouncing back.
The American Psychological Association has been studying resilience for a while. Recently they published a nice summary of the 4 components that can empower you in difficult times to bounce back and learn from what life throws your way. Here are the 4 areas:
4 Components To Build Your Resilience:
1. Build Your Connections
2. Foster Wellness
3. Find Purpose
4. Embrace Healthy Thoughts
Let’s take a closer look at each and discuss actions you can take to practice strengthening these muscles so you can bounce back.
The first component, Build Your Connections, is all about the people that we surround ourselves with and who we let in when times are tough. Having social support of empathetic and understanding people supports the skill of resilience. Sometimes our natural inclination during tough times or traumatic events is to isolate ourselves. Even when work is stressful, there is that old saying of “put your head down and get to work”. Well I would say this is largely wrong. Hard work for sure is important, but when the going gets tough, you should pick your head up and find others to help you work it out.
Let’s go back to Brendan. When he was going through all his surgeries and physical setbacks, he had this amazing group of teammates and people in his soccer community that supported him every step of the way. They came to the hospital or met him for a beer after rehab. And when he got back on the field, it was these friends that celebrated his success and perseverance. So who is on YOUR team when times get tough?
If you don’t feel comfortable that you can lean on empathetic friends or family, there are always support groups or faith-based organizations that can lend a hand to help you up or a shoulder to cry on. Just don’t think that you have to go it alone.
The second component is Foster Wellness and that is all about self-care. This isn’t just our physical fitness but taking care of our whole self. So that means what we eat, how we sleep, being physically ready with exercise but also being mentally strong and ready with our mindset and mindfulness. We’ve actually talked about this before on the podcast in episode 2 with our happiness hacks and episode 5 with the luck diary. Both of these activities help us find a positive mindset and be open to opportunities.
Another great way to boost our mindset is through meditation, prayer or even journaling if the first two don’t seem right for you. If you are ready to dip your toe in the waters of meditation, check out the app Insight Timer. It is totally free and the leader in the app space for meditation, anxiety and stress management.
The third component is Find Purpose. For Brendan, soccer and the community around it was a big part of his purpose, and that motivated him in the face of adversity…especially adversity that could take away that purpose he found for himself. One of the ironic things with adversity and difficult experiences is that they can actually help us find our purpose.
A great example of this is Candace Lightner. You probably don’t know that name but in 1980 she lost her daughter Cari in an accident when a drunk driver hit her in Fair Oaks, California. This same driver had recently been arrested for another DUI hit and run. This was a tragic event but Candace instead of being mad founded MADD…Mothers Against Drunk Driving. This became her purpose and cause to try to prevent these kinds of accidents from happening to another family.
Sometimes we don’t know what our purpose or mission should be at times. We can jump start our understanding and our own resilience by helping others. Volunteering or even just being there for a friend can help you find the spark to build around. Also, don’t forget to set goals and look for opportunities to help with your self-discover to find your passion.
Lastly, the fourth component is Embrace Healthy Thoughts. That is easier said than done when times are tough, but how we think plays an important role in how we feel. An easy way to focus your mind on healthy thoughts is to embrace a personal mantra for yourself. These affirmations can motivate and inspire us to be our best or help us bounce back from a challenging situation. I’ve been working on my personal mantra for about a year now and it is the first thing I say out loud each morning when I get up. “Help others…Stay Calm…Do Your Best”. Do I live up to it every day? Unfortunately no. But when things get tough or when a 2 year old is testing my patience, that quick mantra is a great way to reset and stay resilient.
There is a last element to resilience and dealing with hard times. Sometimes our grief, trauma or overwhelming stress requires help beyond practicing these 4 components. Seeking help from a mental health professional is a great option to help you cope with life’s difficulties. In no way is this a sign of weakness or your inability to be cope. It just means that this time around you need a little more help from an expert to be your best. We use experts all the time in business and with our physical health, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing that for our mental health.
I hope this article helps you to better understand resilience and gives you an appreciation for why it is an important skill to practice. Unfortunately we are all going to need to use this skill at different times in our life. What better time than now to start building resilience into a strength! That will lead to a happier life and healthier wallet.